Auntie Midge 'Iron-Flour' Underbough, a Stout Halfling Paladin — D&D 5e NPC portrait
#0102

Auntie Midge 'Iron-Flour' Underbough

"The Matriarch of the Rolling Pin"

Stout Halfling Paladin (Oath of Devotion) LN Lvl 11 Retired Champion Gladiator

Female (She/Her) · 84 years, Elderly but formidable

Ability Scores

STR
16
+3
DEX
10
+0
CON
16
+3
INT
12
+1
WIS
14
+2
CHA
18
+4

Combat

Armor Class
18
Plate Armor
Hit Points
103
Hit Dice: 11d10
Initiative
+0
Speed
25 ft.
Proficiency
+4
Passive Perception
12

Attacks

Stone-Heart Marble Roller+71d8+3 bludgeoning
Divine SmiteN/A2d8+ radiant

Personality

Personality

Midge speaks in a soft, melodic trill that carries the terrifying weight of a final judgment. She constantly adjusts the collars of those she meets, mutters about 'limp posture,' and carries a pouch of high-quality sea salt to fix 'disastrous' tavern stews.

Ideal

Order. A world with clean floors and balanced meals is a world where evil has no room to sprout.

Bond

The 'Universal Recipe'—a massive, flour-dusted tome of her own making that contains the secrets to both sourdough and social stability.

Flaw

She cannot ignore a mess. She will prioritize cleaning a dirty tavern floor over a looming demonic invasion.

Backstory

For thirty years, the name 'Midge the Mangler' echoed through the wrestling pits of the southern coast. She was a hurricane in a three-foot frame, pinning giants and snapping egos like dry kindling. But the glory of the ring felt hollow when she returned to a village where the children were thin and the guards were corrupt. The day she hung up her championship belt, she didn't pick up a prayer book; she picked up a whisk. She realized that a belly full of warm, nutritious bread is a better shield against tyranny than any buckler, and a well-ordered kitchen is the truest reflection of a celestial heaven.

Now, Midge travels the borderlands as a self-appointed 'Culinary Arbiter.' She views her Paladin's Oath of Devotion as a commitment to the 'Universal Recipe'—a cosmic belief that civilization is only as strong as its weakest roux. She has been known to walk into a bandit camp, ignore the drawn swords, and spend three hours lecturing the captain on the proper way to deglaze a pan while his men stand in a terrified, respectful silence. She doesn't serve a god of light; she serves the light of a perfectly stoked hearth, and woe betide the soul who mistakes her maternal warmth for weakness.

Her defining moment came during the Siege of Oakhaven, where she kept the city walls manned not with speeches, but by single-handedly dragging a mobile oven to the ramparts. While arrows rained down, she baked 'Fortitude Biscuits' and wrestled an invading orc chieftain into a vat of rising dough until he promised to wipe his boots. To Midge, the world is a chaotic kitchen that simply needs a firm hand to organize the pantry.

Abilities & Actions

Tenderizing Strike (Signature Item)

When Midge hits a creature with her 'Stone-Heart Marble Roller' (Warhammer), she can expend a spell slot to deal an extra 2d8 radiant damage plus 1d8 per level of the spell slot. The target must succeed on a DC 16 Strength saving throw or be knocked prone, as she expertly 'flattens the dough.'

The Universal Recipe (Aura of Devotion)

Midge and friendly creatures within 10 feet of her can't be charmed. Additionally, any ally who starts their turn within her aura gains a +2 bonus to AC as long as they are 'standing up straight' (not prone or restrained).

Kneading the Chaos (3/Day)

As a bonus action, Midge can attempt to grapple a creature up to two sizes larger than her. She has advantage on this check. If successful, the creature is also Restrained as she uses her wrestling leverage to pin them in a 'sensible hold.'

Grandma’s Stern Gaze (Channel Divinity)

As an action, Midge presents her rolling pin and rebukes the disorderly. Each creature of her choice within 30 feet must make a DC 16 Wisdom saving throw. On a failure, the creature is Frightened for 1 minute and must spend its turns using the 'Clean' or 'Organize' action (DM's discretion) if any mess is nearby.

DM Notes

Voice: A crisp, grandmotherly English accent that sounds like warm honey mixed with gravel. Gesture: She frequently wipes her hands on her apron even when they are clean. Reaction: If a player uses profanity or bad manners, she will stop the combat to wash their mouth out with 'Holy Soap.' Deal-breaker: Breaking a dish or wasting food in her presence results in an immediate rolling-pin-to-the-shins.