Kester 'Hoof-Stamp' Valerius — The Infernal Auditor

Ability Scores

STR

8

-1

DEX

14

+2

CON

14

+2

INT

16

+3

WIS

10

+0

CHA

18

+4

Combat

Armor Class: 15; Studded Leather + Dex
Hit Points: 52; Hit Dice: 7d8
Initiative: +2
Speed: 35 ft.
Proficiency: +3
Passive Perception: 13

Attacks

Eldritch Blast (Audit Ray)+71d10+4 force

Quill Dagger+51d4+2 piercing

Personality

He speaks with a clipped, professional cadence, frequently checks a silver pocket watch, and refuses to enter any room without first knocking and announcing his business. He finds 'wild magic' to be an accounting nightmare.

Ideal

Order. The multiverse functions because of rules; without them, we are just animals in a chaotic forest.

Bond

The Ledger of Dis, a record of every debt he is tasked to collect; losing it would be a catastrophic professional failure.

Flaw

He is physically incapable of ignoring a typo in a legal document, even if he is currently being shot at.

Backstory

Kester was born in the soot-choked alleys of Oakhaven, far from the whimsical glades of the Feywild. While his kin were chasing butterflies and drinking dew, Kester was memorizing the city's tax codes to keep his mother from being evicted. He realized early on that the world isn't run by swords or spells, but by the ink that binds them. When a local merchant tried to cheat a low-level devil out of a soul-debt, Kester stepped in, pointed out the 'Force Majeure' clause in the fine print, and facilitated a peaceful—if soul-crushing—transaction. The devil was so impressed by the satyr’s clinical detachment that he offered Kester a position as a recovery agent for the Iron City of Dis.

Kester accepted on one condition: he gets a dental plan and a quiet office. Now, he travels the realms as a supernatural bailiff. He doesn't carry a sword; he carries a summons. He has stared down pit fiends and paladins alike, peering over his spectacles and calmly explaining why their current behavior constitutes a breach of contract. His defining moment came when he successfully 'repossessed' a legendary wizard’s tower because the archmage missed three consecutive payments on a 'bottomless' bag of holding. Watching the tower vanish into a puff of sulfurous smoke while Kester checked his pocket watch for punctuality remains the highlight of his career.

Abilities & Actions

Paragraph 4, Subsection B (Reaction)

When a creature Kester can see within 60 feet takes an action that triggers an opportunity attack or violates a standing magical effect, Kester can use his reaction to verbally cite a breach of conduct. The target must succeed on a DC 15 Wisdom saving throw or take 3d6 psychic damage and have disadvantage on its next attack roll.

The Ledger of Dis (Action, 1/Short Rest)

Kester consults his signature iron-bound ledger. He chooses one creature he can see. He instantly learns the creature's damage vulnerabilities, resistances, and immunities. Additionally, for the next minute, Kester's spell attacks against that creature deal an extra 1d6 fire damage as the ledger tracks their 'outstanding balance'.

Collections Notice (Action, 2/Day)

Kester casts 'Hold Person' (DC 15). Instead of paralysis, the target is restrained by spectral chains made of glowing red ink and legal parchment. At the start of each of the restrained creature's turns, it takes 2d6 fire damage as the 'interest' on its life debt accrues.

Magic Resistance (Passive)

As a Satyr, Kester has advantage on saving throws against spells and other magical effects.

DM Notes

Kester should be played like a high-level corporate litigator. He never raises his voice; he simply gets quieter and more specific. He often uses phrases like 'As per our previous correspondence' or 'I’m afraid that's non-negotiable.' He carries a small hoof-shaped stamp that he uses to mark any document—or person—he has officially processed. He will not engage in combat unless someone is actively preventing him from serving a summons or completing an audit.